Representative Henry Cuellar and his wife Imelda have been charged with turning bribery into a cottage industry, allegedly laundering $600,000 through a series of 'sham consulting contracts' that would make a money laundering textbook author weep with professional admiration. The couple spent seven years (2014-2021) perfecting their craft through middlemen and front companies, because apparently direct bribery lacks the sophisticated touch that modern corruption demands.

The Justice Department's charges read like a masterclass in creative accounting, featuring conspiracy, bribery, wire fraud, money laundering, and acting as foreign agents – essentially corruption bingo with all squares filled. At 67, Imelda Cuellar proves that age is no barrier to entrepreneurial spirit, even when that spirit involves elaborate schemes to circumvent federal law.